A couple of FYI's

Dear Strangers,

Stop touching my dog! Seriously, I know he's cute. I know he's adorable. I know you want to take him home with you. But you can't. So HANDS. OFF. Also, I don't want to chit chat with you. I want my dog to pee and poop, so I can go back inside and watch reruns of Chaotic. I don't need to hear about how your dog got mange, and then you did. Because? Ew gross.

Thanks in advance,

Tweets




Dearest Romeo,

Stop giving love to strangers. Especially stop giving MORE love to strangers than you give to your mom. She's jealous. And when you return from outside, stop refusing to go into the apartment. With that scared pleading look on your face and me literally dragging you by your leash to go inside, people will assume you are headed straight for a boiling pot of water in a dungeon of torture.

And quit waking us up after you have pissed on the floor.

Love,
Mom



Letter to the Asshats in the Utility Truck at 7 am,

Thanks for scaring the shit (literally) out of my dog this morning. Your honk and subsequent shouts of DAMN, baby! while Romeo was mid-crap really worked. I am totally in love with you now.

But Romeo says -

- kiss it. Jerk offs.

Yours truly pissed off,

Tweets & Romeo