Folks, it's getting cold outside which that can mean only one thing: Chuck and I are more than 800 miles apart. If I've said it once, I've said a million times… Good Fucking Times, man. We’re rounding out three years together and this will be our third winter apart. The official start of our relationship is March 10th, and with the exception of that initial March 10th we've always been on opposite ends of the country on the anniversary of that fateful day (and on one occasion a full ocean apart). You read that right folks, we have not been together on our anniversary. EVER.
But I am not bitter. Oh, and just ignore the tears.
If EVER get married you will all be invited to a January wedding.
Audience (and anyone I manage to talk with for more than 15 minutes): OKAY. Enough. We get it. QUIT bringing us down.
Why I love living in Texas during the winter: Sleet Watch '05. There's a small winter storm headed our way. Winter weather means only one thing in Dallas (or the south for that matter) – NATURAL. DISASTER. This natural disaster will be in the form of one POSSIBLY! one and a half inches of snow. People at my work honest to god called in sick to work today for fear of Nature's Wintery Mix. The workplace is all a buzz about how dangerous the bridges are going to be – should they find another way home, oh the humanity of it all. Someone even informed me today that it was BELOW. FREEZING! And they were dead serious with their fear. Our management company closed its doors at three!
Y'all I have spent the past three winter in Minneapolis and Chicago. And?
YOU.
AIN'T.
SEEN.
NOTHING.
The average temperature in Chicago in December was 12 degrees last year. The weather dudes predicted a storm would pass through the city and dump 8 inches of snow, and we were told that it was going to be no big deal the trains just tack snow plows to the front. That storm ended up dumping 12 inches of snow, and I ended up white knuckled in the back of a cab doing 60 miles an hour through snow banks on Lake Shore Drive.
In Minneapolis, I once had to walk to a class mile and a half in -18 degrees.
NEG. A. TIVE. EIGHTEEN.
(And yes it was uphill both ways. Why do you ask?)
So spare me with your stories of Omigod, it got so cold here one time that the water got real hard and stuff.
Am I a hypochrondriac? Because I think I may have this: S.A.D. They detailed the disorder on the Today Show this morning and thought yeah, yeah, that’s totally me. And then I just realized I was just really bored.
Another thing – I am the perfect audience for those segments that start with Not Feeling Well? You could totally have streptamiliocouclincus, which you can only get when the clock strikes 1 am and you're facing north standing in only your underwear. Or maybe it's just your blinds were made in the seventies and therefore could cause your feet to swell to the size of a small country.
I see those segments and think OH. MY. GOD. How did they know?!?
And then I call my mom immediately. Because she was a nurse and knows all about those scary things.
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2 comments:
I used to think the same things about sickness when i watched ER. i had to stop watching it.
The hysteria that happens with winter storms in the south is funny. Reminds me of a Jay Cronley column in the Tulsa Tribune. He talked of growing up in Nebraska, and having to miss school only once (when there was so much snow they couldn't make it out to the barn to get the chains for the truck.) He laughed at Tulsans who would leave work at the report of a snow flake being sighted at the Kansas border and how his kids living in Dallas had to build their 3 ft. snow men between the houses so they'd be in the shade & not melt.
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