Dream A Little Dream

I've been so busy at work. Like ridiculously busy. Lily looks at me with the hot hate of a latch key kid when I come home. There's about seven hundred dirty dishes in my sink right now, and instead of cleaning them I am going to blog instead. Not because I love you, but because if I spend one more minute thinking about work my brain will start to seep out through my ears.

When first got The Bed, the sales lady told me it might take a couple of weeks for the bed to "loosen up." Well, we've reached those couple of weeks, and bed is as loose as the quiet guy from work after a couple of cocktails. The bed is sleeping phenomenally. And filling my most blissful sleep have been the most amazing dreams. Recently, I awoke from such a great/bizarre dream that I sat up and was like I have to blog about this. (Then I cried because seriously? It doesn't get any nerdier than that.)

So I give you my inner conscious' deepest thoughts (in stereo where available);

It begins with me walking down the streets of downtown Minneapolis. I'm totally stoked because all my friends are getting together to watch the MTV Movie Awards, and it's going to be one bitchin' throw down.

So I hop in my car and head out to the party. I want to get a head start because I want to make sure I get to New York City in time to mingle with all the super hot party guests.

It takes me about an hour and a half to get to NYC from Minneapolis. (In dreams you either move super fast or you can't move fast enough)

I walk in the front door and no one's there. Except my main man Hugh Hefner. Oh, me and the Hef go way back. We chit chat for awhile, (the Girls Next Door were not home, but he informs me that they are doing well) and then Hef tells me that the MTV Movie Awards are in fact not in NYC, not LA.

D'oh.

We go out into his backyard and catch fish coming out of a drainage pipe. Hef tells me that this particular fish was thought extinct, but in actuality it just had been our old friend evolution at work. It's then that I realize that if I ever play Trivial Pursuit I'm definitely picking Hugh to be on my team. He's wicked smart.

I apologized to Hugh for not being able to stay longer, but I need to get to LA in time for the awards. He tells me that he understands, and that I shouldn't be a stranger. So gracious, that Hef.

When I get in my car, I figure I should call all my friends to make sure they know that the Movie Awards are in LA, and not NYC. My friends are all like no shit Sherlock, and when they said "watch the MTV Movie Awards" they meant watch them from Minneapolis.

Right.

When I get to Minneapolis the party is in full swing. Although we’re in a giant and sprawling mansion, the entire party is packed into the teeny tiny kitchen. Ridiculously packed.

Then this dude who was vaguely familiar (which isn't everybody in dreams because hello, it's your own sub conscious) came up beside me. He then starts to bump and grind all up in my junk. He starts to grunt (which in fairness could be me snoring at this point). I start to get skeeved out.

And guess who comes to my rescue? No, not Hugh Hefner he's in NYC, silly. It's Charlie! He gets the Vaguely Familiar Dude off of me, and he's about to kick his ass when out of nowhere a giant animatronic leprechaun appears. (Yeah, I know it's the what the fuck moment everyone has in a dream.)

Mr. Leprechaun is supa pissed. Apparently someone ate all his cocktail weenies because he's stomping around smashing all the booze. NOT COOL.

Charlie flies in from stage right to save the day (and the booze!) with the ol' lighter and can of hairspray trick – originally made famous by Rob Lowe in St. Elmo's Fire followed by Kristy Swanson in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I believe I mention this little known fact, and people are so disgusted by it that they up and leave the party. Everyone.

This leaves only Charlie and I to go out back and catch fishes out of a drainage pipe.

Then I woke up.

My radio was playing an NPR story about fish – once thought extinct – along the Nile River, which explains the fish. The other stuff? I don't know.