How to Make it Awkward Come Monday Morning

Combine one work party and several (okay lots of) free drink tickets.

Here's the thing: you take one lowly office peon, who has spent the entire week huddled over her computer fretting over whether or not soccer moms will understand the term "golf claps", and then give her the okay to drink on company time, well, she just might kick back and have a few.

Now, don't worry. I wasn't THAT girl.

But I did manage to get the And-Here-I-Thought-You-Were-The-Quiet-One comment more than a couple of times. Which please, I'm not quiet. I just don't like talking to you.

Anyway, like I said here are some things to remember (or not) about company parties.

Make sure your voice is never below shouting level. Even if you are in a quiet suburban establish meant for kids (you know the kind of place with skee ball for the wee ones and shots of tequila for the moms). Otherwise, no one will be able to hear your genius ideas for how the company could improve.

And when broken into groups don't bother to learn anyone's names. For your name is the one that they should be learning. Clearly. And when your boss bowls a gutter ball, make sure to mention how bad he sucks. This will come in handy when he sits down to do your evaluation in a couple of months.

When your boss comes over to see what all the fun/yelling/hysterical hyenia laughing is about - run.

When your boss' boss comes over to see what all the fun/yelling/hysterical hyenia laughing is about - for gawd sake's woman RUN. FASTER.

If they are bearing more drink tickets - take a suicide pill or something, just STOP. TALKING.

And for pete's sake stop telling everyone you love them. Oh, I mean REALLY. LOOOOVE. THEM. Because they are so great and talented and thanks for all the opportunities because I LOOOOVE YOU and YOU and YOU.

Yeah, stop doing that.